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A Klutz’s Guide to Wearing White

By August 19, 2016 Blog, Not too serious, Style

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klutz (google definition)

noun

North American informal

noun: klutz; plural noun: klutzes

  1. a clumsy, awkward, or foolish person.

 

White is crisp and classic, can be dreamy or sophisticated and looks and feels super cool and when worn in summer.  But for some of us, it turns every plate of food into a minefield…that may have been the case for me:

-A few years ago, when I was moving from a team-based job to a more solitary role, the first thing my team-mate said to me was “But who will bring you extra napkins when you spill food on yourself every day?”

-I once had to change clothes halfway through the work day because my skirt was so badly stained after an entire plate of Morrocan stew “jumped” onto my lap (or maybe someone bumped me.  I don’t remember.)

-When there were plenty of chairs but not enough space around the lunch table at, people would part like the Red Sea to give me a space at the table. For their own safety.

-Remember when everyone was wearing those T-shirts in the late nineties that said “Actress in Training?” Someone took a stained T-shirt of mine and had “Eater in Training” printed on it.

So yeah.  You could say I was fairly qualified as a klutz.  But those days are over. Really. And I will share my secrets with you, so that you too can wear white without looking like a four-year old used you as a hand-towel after a day of finger-painting. 

 

Tips for Getting Through The Day in White Clothing:

  1. If you are wearing white pants/skirt/a dress, watch where you sit…
  2. When eating sitting down: bring your chair extra close to the table so any food you drop falls back onto your plate rather than onto your lap. Put a napkin in your lap just in case.
  3. When ordering, it might be best to avoid spaghetti in tomato sauce, ribs etc… anything with a high splash and/or stain factor is asking for trouble.
  4. Sitting and eating without a table with your plate on your lap is probably the riskiest position. If you can’t avoid this, cover your lap with napkins and hold your plate up when you take a bite.   
  5. When eating standing up, use a napkin and bend forwards slightly and elegantly when you take a bite so anything you drop falls to the floor without streaking down the entire length of your outfit. Just slightly.  Bend too much and you will look ridiculous/like you have gas.
  6. When you wear something white, make it an outfit you love. Trust me, you will be more careful.

Now excuse me, I just have to wipe up this coffee I spilled on the keyboard…

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First appeared on nzgirl.co.nz

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